2 Corinthians 1:8-10
(8) For we do not want you to be
unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so
utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.
(9) Indeed, we felt that we had
received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves
but on God who raises the dead.
(10) He delivered us from such a
deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will
deliver us again.
I've experienced a weariness of soul
lately. I've battled anxiety and
fear. I tend to run away and want to
curl up in a corner that's safe and escape it all. But sometimes life won't let us escape. Fear
and anxiety is like a relentless pounding away on you until you can't take
anymore. I can almost relate to what
Paul said above "Indeed, we felt that we received the sentence of
death." Not that I am dying of
anything but in my soul, I felt "the sentence of death" or that I was
dying inside and could never stand up again.
But, as Paul also said, "But that was to make us rely not on
ourselves but on God who raises the dead." Sometimes we feel just dead
inside and lose hope. No strength left
for the griefs and sorrows it throws at us.
No more fight in ourselves. No
hope of happiness in this life again.
The enemy of our souls brings us down further and further into the
muck. He exaggerates the trial in our
minds so that the battle is, in our mind, way beyond the actual facts and blown
out of proportion. Or he blinds us to
the real battle and the seriousness of it as we try for sanity's sake to block
out reality.
God does neither. God reveals truth to our hearts always. He shows us the proper perspective rather
than an exaggeration, and He also shows us the reality of a situation.
Sometimes truth brings us fear and anxiety, but when God brings unpleasant
truth to us, He also brings assurance of His presence, His power, and His
deliverance so that we do not despair but rest in His unfailing love. So that
we look beyond the trial and see Him.
Long ago I wrote down a saying I read, "every impossibility is an
opportunity for God to reveal Himself and show His strength." So many times since, I've had to put that to
the test and say, "Lord, here's Your opportunity. Take it. It's too much for me."
I'm learning a few things about fear and
anxiety and weariness. First of all, you'll
never ever be free of fear if you are afraid of the fear. The more you run from it, the more it chases
you down and overcomes you. It is like a
roaring lion. We fear its torment. So we run from it. The fear of the fear is worse than the actual
object we are fearing! It is a vicious cycle. Soon the panic beomes the thing
you fear and you forget the reason for it. I used to have a recurring nightmare
of a bear chasing me and I would run with all my might but as in dreams so
often, my legs would become like lead, and not move and I would almost be
overtaken by the bear and then I would wake up.
I know at that time the dream was coming because of a particular fear
that was chasing me. Finally I faced the
fear. And in my dream I faced the bear
and defeated him. Finally I faced my
fear again recently and told myself, "so what if this fear causes me
pain." It won't kill me. If it does, good! I'll be home with
Jesus. But it won't. I CAN endure it, and I can go on because in
the fear I have found the presence of Jesus there. Just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in
the fiery furnace, when I let the flames of fear surround me, they don't scorch
me at all. The presence of Jesus is
there with me in it and I find myself thankful for the trial that brought me to
such a presence of His love and fellowship.
I wouldn't know this fellowship outside of this furnace. So let the fear come. The flames won't kindle upon me. Christ is in me. I learned to lay down in the fear instead of
struggling against it. If I perish I
perish. But I didn't. I rose up again.
Another thing that I gained through my anxiety
attacks, was again to go back to what the Lord had given me years earlier, to
flood my mind with His Word. I again
made a recording of Scripture and listened to it. When the enemy comes in like a flood, the
Spirit of the Lord raises up a standard against Him (Isa. 59:19). His Word is that standard.
God's Word is healing, soothing balm for the
soul, faith building, and it is personally spoken to the heart of the believer
who is trusting in Him and looking to Him.
Again I experienced such a faith and confidence in my God through the
midst of the fire of anxiety. I've
always said anxiety is a greater pain than any physical pain I have ever
endured. I understand my son's suicide
because of the unrelenting anxiety he endured.
I don't condone it and I know God had a better plan, and if we resort to
that, we miss all God had planned in revealing Himself to us and blessing our
lives. But I do understand the intensity
and unbearableness of the pain and his inability to bear it any longer. If someone held your hand over a fire how
long do you think you could keep it there?
What if they gave you pain meds to help?
Or stood near you patting you on the back cheering you on or trying to
console you? NONE OF THAT would stop the
intense pain of the fire consuming your hand and you would not even be able to
think about anything else or listen to them. Many say suicide is an act of
selfishness, and in some cases it may be, but much of the time, it is simply an
act of escape from the horrible fire inside you. Only God Himself can walk into
that fire with you and keep it from harming you and deliver you. God has a better way. We have to look to Him. I have found in the
midst of my anxiety and unbearable pain, many times, that as I cry out to Him
in my weakness and helplessness, and flood my soul with His life-giving
powerful Word, He heals, He gives faith, He raises me up, He restores. He strengthens for the battle and enables me
to rest in Him even as I cast my care onto Him and know the battle belongs to
Him. He gives me the power of patience,
as I wait for Him. I can afford the patience knowing He will come and He will
answer, and He will do all He said "in yet a little while."
I guess I'm bearing my soul right now and
exposing myself and making myself very vulnerable, yet I feel compelled to both
reach out with hope for those who are struggling with this, and wanting to give
God glory for the wonderful discovery of Him I am finding through it. I even truly (surprising to myself) came to
the point I thanked God for the trial because of what I could see it producing
in my heart. Yes there was still pain, but with it a sweetness and
comfort. Just as there is nothing more
painful in my mind than fear and anxiety, there is nothing more wonderful than
God's very presence. I wish I could
describe it, but there is no way to do that.
You have to experience it. It's
in our pain we experience the greatest manifestations of His very presence and
reality, almost as tangible as if we could see Him face to face and reach out
and touch Him. No - even more tangible than that, because He is on the inside
of me manifesting His presence and power in me. I wish I could give that to
every one of my readers without the pain of the trials, but it is the pain of
the trials that brings that kind of presence to us. Because of that, I am no longer afraid of the
fear. I'm no longer afraid of the
anxiety. Let it come. Christ comes with it.
His promises become more precious to me and more alive. His Word opens up to me and becomes my
delight more than it ever could otherwise.
He becomes my peace. He
Himself. I no longer look for peace
separated from Him. He IS my peace. It makes me want to walk very close to Him,
abide in Him, and let nothing disturb that fellowship.
I know that I know He will answer my prayers,
and that He will fulfill His perfect love and plan for me. I know that I know I
can count on Him to see me through, even though I don't feel able at all. I know that I know my God is faithful and
keeps His Word, and because I have been listening to His Word I know what He is
saying to me and I have an answer to all the fiery darts of the enemy. They cannot penetrate this armor.
I also learned something about weariness.
Sometimes we grow weary and just need to lie down. When you do, don't quit, don't give up, but
lie down and rest. Rest in Jesus. Commit yourself and your life into His hands
and casting all onto Him. Rest and let
Him build you up again until you once again can walk and not faint, and run and
not be weary. Rest in His promises. Let the hymns minister to you. Exhaustion can
give us a distorted view of life and troubles.
When Elijah was weary from the battle he became depressed and God gave
him rest and fed him. So rest and let
God feed you. You'll see everything
differently. You don't feel that you can
do the smallest task when you are weary and tired.
Matthew 11:28-30
(28) Come to
me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
(29) Take my
yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you
will find rest for your souls.
(30) For my
yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
The burden becomes too much when we pull
against the yoke and strive in ourselves.
If we rest in His yoke we will find the strength to go on. When our soul
is in intense battle, our bodies also become very tired and weak. We don't feel strength to go on. It is as we
physically lie down and rest, quit striving, and learn of Him, letting Him
reveal Himself to us that our bodies also find refreshment.
Our thought life plays a major role in our not
becoming depressed. Paul said for a
reason to "rejoice always."
Our thought patterns can actually alter our brain waves. We can get stuck in a negative brain wave
pattern. In order to pull out of it, we
need to rejoice in the Lord, pray, trust, be thankful, think on the right
things. At first this takes work. That's
why I listen to Scripture. It does that
for me.
Philippians 4:4-8
(4) Rejoice in the Lord always;
again I will say, rejoice.
(5) Let your reasonableness be known
to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
(6) do not be anxious about
anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let
your requests be made known to God.
(7) And the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.
(8) Finally, brothers, whatever is
true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is
anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
May the Lord minister to you and build you up
in His faith today!
